you · electrify · my · life.

 i met a guy named brad at forensics
at shawnee mission west 
two weeks ago
and i saw him in lawrence last saturday
and when he saw me, 
he shouted my name 
and then proceeded to scold me 
because he was looking forward to seeing me in congress on friday
and i wasn't there
so we both said we would go this week 
so i get to see him on friday
and every time i start thinking about him 
i get all giddy
and it's fucking AMAZING.

i'm so tired.
and i need to shave like none other.
and john's playing hot and cold with me again.
he held my hand at junior high music festival last night
in front of lots of people
and he didn't care.
JESUS CHRIST MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

 you know, i try not to be a jealous person.
but i really, REALLY don't like people lying to me.

vince and i? what the fuck are we? 
he said he wanted to be with me on valentine's day.
no matter what. he said he'd wait until the play was over.
so i was like, okay, we can work this out.
nope.
he said he had to work.
on valentine's day?
it sucked, but i understand since i grew up in the restaurant business.
imagine my surprise when i come across his ex girlfriend's blog
talking about how he came to decorate her car for valentine's day
which is not why i'm pissed, 
because he told me he was going to do that.
and she continued on about how she was really glad he didn't have to work
and how she was getting ready 
and how he was taking her out to dinner
and how excited she was
and how much she still loves him
and i'm sitting here
really wanting to freak out

but then again, i try not to be a jealous person.
too late.

in other news:
smoked three cigarettes yesterday. two camels and a marlboro red. delicious.
john looked at me as i lit up my third one. he was surprised.
i wanted a smoke so bad, i actually replaced the red
with a one dollar bill
because mason only had three left.
and i almost went back there to smoke some more.
i'm really more of a social smoker than anything,
but old habits tend to die hard.
everyone else was smoking weed
but i was driving connor schaible to ellen's house
and i was picking vince up from work
and taking him home
and i know connor wouldn't care as long as i was careful, 
but vince would be so furious.
because he really can't stand stuff like that.
but i didn't smoke any weed because i remember the last time i was high
and i can't imagine trying to drive a car last night
and you know what, the secondhand i had by the time i left ian's 
after being there for only an hour
was insane.

john took my chair
because i got up to get a lighter
so i sat on his lap.
and let me say this real quick,
he's had this thing with holding my hand.
he's always holding my hand.
which is fine by me, 
because his hands are a lot bigger than mine
and they're always really warm,
so it's nice when he holds my hand.
so anyway, i was in his lap
and he poked me,
which is a sign that he's about to start tickling me
because he thinks i'm adorable when i giggle
so i grabbed his hands
and he laced his fingers in mine,
and wrapped his arms around me,
and said, "love you."
not, "i love you."
just "love you".
which is a huge thing for him.
so i'm okay with it.

picked up connor, went to ellen's.
told him about my wreck the other night.
because i wrecked my car. 
because some asshole in a big white truck
decided to knock off my passenger side mirror
and scratch and dent up my passenger side door
so i need a new door panel 
and i need a new mirror
and it's worth about two grand.
and then after doing all this, 
the fucker drove off.
and i went into hysterics.
i called my mom and she didn't answer.
so i called john.
and he called me honey and asked if i was hurt in any way
because he would immediately come get me
no matter where i was.
i was fine, 
so he stayed on the phone with me for a while
until i calmed down enough to drive myself home.

so anyway, we went to ellen's
and i saw connor duncan
who looked adorable,
which isn't really different from any other day
and then i picked vince up
and brought him to ellen's
and then we decided to go to claire west's house
because she was having a huge-ass party
that we had all been invited to 
but decided not to attend.
so i took vince home 
and went to claire's
and susan's boyfriend was drunk
and susan was a little tipsy herself
so i stuck with colleen riley 
and we talked about taking people home 
and then john stokes came out of a back room
and he was WASTED.
so i asked him how he was getting home
and he told me he was driving.
so i pulled on his rockhurst lanyard
and took his keys away
because me and john are tight 
and i was not about to let him drive home
jake walker poured me a shot of whiskey, 
and i took it, 
but that's the only thing i drank,
and as long as it's not tequila,
i'm okay.
jake wasn't with his girlfriend
but he was wasted
and i pulled jake into a corner and asked who drove him there
and he said he did.
so i told him to give me his keys
which he wouldn't
so i had to do the same thing that i did to john, 
i pulled on his aquinas lanyard
and took HIS keys away.
so in my jacket, 
i had two miege lanyards [ mine and susan's ], a rockhurst lanyard [ john's ], and an aquinas lanyard [ jake's ].
so colleen and i got together
and we talked about taking people home
and she said she would take cree, shelby, and sean cahill,
which is fine by me, 
because they were falling down and very loud
and i cannot handle loud when i drive.
i took stokes and susan and her boyfriend [ john bazin, or hot rod, there's way too many johns ]
and put them in my car
and made sure they were buckled in and whatnot
because drunk people usually don't concern themselves
with buckling themselves in.
immediately, hot rod unbuckles
and him and susan are making out in the back of my car
which, let me say, was quite awkward.
susan, who was the least drunk person there, 
actually managed to tell me where stokes and hot rod lived
so i dropped off hot rod first
and him and susan were making out for a few minutes
because they need to take forever to say goodbye
cause it's not like they see each other every day or anything.
so me and stokes were in the front seat of my car
and he leaned over and kissed me
and i know that he only did it because he was drunk
but i kissed him back, 
and drunk or not, he is a fantastic kisser.
so susan got back in the car,
and by this point, i was practically on top of stokes.
so she cleared her throat rather loudly, 
so i took her home next,
because i wasn't through with stokes.
so she got out of the car,
and told me to call when i got home
and stokes, by this point, had sobered up
a little bit
so he managed to tell me, for the most part, 
where he lived
and when i arrived outside of his swanky house, 
we started making out again
and this time, i actually WAS on top of him
in the passenger seat of my car
and to be quite honest, 
we could have had sex
right then and there
and then i realized
that i was getting it on with a drunk dude
in the front seat of my car
so we just did a lot of touching
with our clothes ON
and then i realized that i was late for my curfew
so i said i had to leave
and he kissed me one more time
and i got off of him and out of the car
and he stumbled into his house
and i drove home.

and now i'm babysitting for brian wilson
and pat finn's teasing me about my beat up car.
and we're watching the wiggles.
me and grace are watching the wiggles, 
not me and pat..

and i started my period today
which means that i can't really do anything this week,
if you know what i mean.